Why It's a Good Thing When Women Get Angry

Have you ever been told you’re “too emotional” or “too sensitive” when you felt angry? In this video, psychotherapist Esther Kane, MSW, RSW explores why women’s anger is not something to be ashamed of — it’s something to listen to.

You’ll learn how anger can be a powerful messenger, helping you recognize when your boundaries have been crossed and guiding you toward greater self-respect, healing, and empowerment. Esther explains what really happens when women suppress anger, how that energy can turn inward as depression or anxiety, and how somatic therapy can help you safely release and transform stored anger in the body.

Stay until the end for practical tools you can use right away — including journaling prompts, breathwork techniques, and body-based exercises to express anger in healthy, healing ways.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Women's Anger
01:52 The Consequences of Suppressing Anger
04:16 Somatic Therapy: A Healing Approach
06:21 Healthy Expressions of Anger

To watch this episode on Esther's YouTube Channel which if full of powerful visuals: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdDwfkJIPds

🎧 Coming soon: Part 2 — a lively and honest conversation about how women can navigate anger through different life stages.

#womensempowerment #healthyboundaries #healthyrelationships

Links

To watch episodes on Esther's YouTube Channel:

https://www.youtube.com/@compassionateconversations441

www.estherkane.com

Subscribe to my newsletter to receive either of these for FREE:10 Tips for Getting Rid of Relationships That Drain Your Energy or the 6-part audio program, Making Peace With Food and Our Bodies:

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Esther Kane, MSW, RCC

Transcript

Today we’re diving into a powerful and often misunderstood topic: Why is it a good thing when women get angry?

Now, I know that for many of you, just hearing those words might bring up some discomfort. Maybe you were taught as a little girl to “be nice,” “don’t make a scene,” or “good women don’t get angry.” But here’s the truth: anger is not only normal, it’s necessary. In fact, women’s anger, when expressed in safe and healthy ways, can be one of the most empowering forces in your life.

Make sure to watch the entire video because at the end, I will share some helpful tools I teach my clients which will help you express anger in healthier ways. 

And make sure to subscribe to this channel because there will be a part two to this video. It will be an engaging, lively and informative discussion between me and one of my best friends talking about how we have learned to work with anger throughout different stages of our lives.

Let’s start with this: anger is information. It’s your body’s way of saying, something’s not right.

Think about it — if someone crosses your boundary, disrespects you, or ignores your needs, your anger rises to protect you. It’s like an inner alarm system. That’s not a bad thing. That’s wisdom.

For women especially, anger can be a sign that you’ve been giving too much, people-pleasing, or neglecting yourself. When you allow yourself to feel it, it can guide you back to balance.

I often tell my clients: anger is like fire. If it’s uncontrolled, it can burn everything down. But if you know how to channel it, that same fire can keep you warm, cook your food, and light your way forward.

Here’s the problem: so many women have been conditioned to push their anger down. Maybe you were punished for showing emotion as a child. Maybe you were told you were “too much,” “too sensitive,” or “crazy” when you spoke up.

When anger gets buried, it doesn’t just disappear. It often turns inward. For women, that often looks like depression, anxiety, and chronic self-doubt.

I see this all the time in therapy. A client will come in saying she feels flat, exhausted, or depressed. But when we explore deeper, we find that what’s underneath isn’t sadness at all — it’s unexpressed rage that was never safe to show.

This is especially true for women with childhood trauma. If as a child you weren’t allowed to express your needs, your anger often got shut down. As adults, that unresolved anger hides under layers of depression, chronic stress, or even physical illness.

So here’s the reframe: depression in women is often not about weakness. It’s about survival. Its anger turned inward, waiting for a safe outlet.

This is where somatic therapy can be such a powerful tool.

Unlike traditional talk therapy, which focuses on the mind, somatic therapy works with the body. Because trauma doesn’t just live in your thoughts — it lives in your nervous system.

For example, a woman might come into my office feeling numb or disconnected. When we slow down and pay attention to her body, she might notice tightness in her chest, clenched fists, or a knot in her stomach. Those are anger signals stored in the body.

Through gentle techniques like grounding, breathwork, and tracking body sensations, somatic therapy helps women safely release those old emotions without becoming overwhelmed.

One client, for example, discovered that every time she spoke about her childhood, her jaw would lock. By bringing awareness to that and allowing small, safe releases — like shaking her arms, stomping her feet, or voicing a growl — she began to unlock years of suppressed rage. And instead of being destructive, it became deeply healing.

Somatic work teaches your body: it’s safe now. You can feel anger without being consumed by it.

So, how can you begin to work with your anger in everyday life?

Here are some strategies I often share with my clients:

• Journaling: Write an “angry letter” you never send. Get it all out on paper.
• Movement: Put on music and dance, shake, or even punch a pillow. The body needs to move that energy.
• Breathwork: Deep exhales can help release pent-up tension. Even a sigh can be a small release of anger.
• Boundaries: Practice saying no without apology. For example: “No, that doesn’t work for me.” Short, simple, firm.
• Role-play: In therapy, I sometimes help clients practice saying what they wish they could have said to someone who hurt them. Even if it’s imaginary, it’s powerful.
• Early signals: Notice your warning signs — clenched jaw, shallow breathing, irritation. If you catch anger early, you can express it calmly instead of exploding.

Remember: anger doesn’t have to be yelling or slamming doors. Sometimes it’s just a firm voice, a clear boundary, or a confident “no.”

So, why is it a good thing when women get angry? Because it means you’re alive, you’re listening to yourself, and you’re honoring your boundaries.

When expressed in healthy, safe ways, anger is not destructive — it’s empowering. It’s a compass that points you toward what matters most.

If you’ve struggled with suppressed anger, depression, or unresolved trauma, know this: there is nothing wrong with you. Your anger is not the enemy. It’s an invitation to heal, to stand in your power, and to reclaim your voice.

And if you want support with that journey, therapies like somatic experiencing can help you release what’s been buried and learn to work with your emotions in safe and empowering ways.

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you found this video helpful, please like, share, and subscribe for more conversations about women’s mental health, trauma healing, and empowerment. And I’d love to hear from you in the comments: What’s one way you’ve learned to express your anger in a healthy way?

Until next time, take care of your beautiful, powerful self.